The World Without Her In It
by sulli-ssi
Summary: "Your name, the forbidden taste on your lips, escape you and reach her, and she smiles. The world is right again, because this time, it has her in it." / 700-ish drabble, Ichigo's POV.


**The World Without Her In It**

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She has the ability to take your world in her hands and make it her own.

She makes it so that her very essence merges with you, even when she's not touching you – even when she's not looking, even when she's not even there – and then you suddenly find yourself choosing between the world with her in it and the world without.

You will always, _always_ choose her.

She has that ability to twist and turn your realities until you don't know if you're living in a dream.

Or maybe it's a nightmare.

Either way, you can't be sure, not with her – _never_ with her. She's the tornado that sweeps you up and whirls you around and before you know it you're in a whole different place.

Thing is, she puts you where you wouldn't want to leave.

You don't _know_ why this is.

True, she's a force to be reckoned with in her own right. She wields a beautiful blade, and she is quite skilled. She's dedicated and loyal and proud, and you won't have her any other way, because if she is not deadly then you would know that everything else is a dream.

You don't know why you have to keep reminding yourself that you can never see her again.

It was never your choice – lose your powers and lose her, or lose the entire world.

If she hadn't been there, you would've taken her and ran. But she was, and she set you straight and told you to save the world – she'll follow you to a world of monsters, if that's what it takes to convince you.

So, of course you listen to her.

You can't ignore her, no matter how many times you've tried or pretended to succeed. She's the only one who can hold your attention with a simple look.

You keep wondering why you have to keep pretending that you won't give everything up to just…look at her again, even if it is just her retreating back.

The months pass. People ask you what you want to do in your future and you answer automatically: _a doctor, like my crazy father. Maybe I'll do better than him –_

But what you want to do is go back to that world full of monsters and power-hungry hypnotists with god-complexes and crazy people who will swing a sword at you before they say hello. What you want is to save the dead, the people who everyone else can't see (now, you think, you're part of "everyone", too).

What you _want_ is to spend every day you can possibly have – spend _forever_ – arguing and kicking and kissing and loving _her_.

But it can never be about what you want.

In the end, it comes down to what you need.

The problem is that when it comes to her, the line between what you need and what you want becomes so blurry that you don't even know where you stand.

When someone comes to you offering you back power, you don't have to think about it for more than you should. Something is hurting your friends and it's something you can't protect them from –

_Then find a way to get stronger_, is what she would tell you; that's the man you are in her heart and you don't want to betray her.

It takes you weeks. You are desperate, but unlike that other time when you gained strength to save her, this time you're gaining strength to save yourself. This is your only remaining chance, and you will not wait and remain stagnant until you die just so you can be in _that world_ again.

Things happen, people get attacked, and you get more desperate until –

Until he betrays you.

Until she saves you.

She has a blade to your heart and you can feel your real power being awakened once again. Zangetsu is getting up from deep slumber, confused as to why he still exists, but quickly finding the answer – as long as she is alive, then he is as well. Your souls are too tangled within one another that it's hard to determine where one ends and the other begins.

Your name, the forbidden taste on your lips, escape you and reach her, and she smiles.

The world is right again, because this time, it has her in it.

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**A/N**: Some 700+ word drabble, so bear with me, alright? I'm practicing this type of POV, especially using this character, because I don't think I'm particularly good at it, and I'm finding it amazing to write in so far...but I don't know if I'm actually writing it well. Anyway, you can read this in conjunction with "You Don't Think About It", which is in Rukia's POV. I'm practicing writing in Ichigo's POV because, well, I've read my past work and I think I'm writing his POV quite terribly. SO, reviews/comments are highly appreciated.


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